What to Do When You Feel Lost in Life

Remember when you were a kid? You would just do things. You never thought to yourself, “Will playing with Lego bring me more benefits in life than playing soccer?” You just sat in your room for hours building houses and cool ass vehicles, until you felt bored. Then you would go out and play soccer with your friends until your mom called you home for dinner.

Back then, nobody told you how you should spend your day. You just followed your curiosity and did the things that brought you joy.

If someone asked you about your future plans, you would probably tell them that you will become a famous actor, pilot, or vet. You wouldn’t lay awake in bed later, feeling bitter, and wonder, “What should I do with my life?”.

Why You Are Lacking Clarity and Direction

Everyone feels lost at some point in their life. That’s normal, and can actually serve as a powerful engine for personal growth.

But who can appreciate the potential gains while they are facing uncertainty?

If you are in this position right now, you most likely just want to get out of it as soon as possible. So, let’s navigate through this crisis, and explore how it led to greater well-being afterwards.

In order for you to regain clarity and direction, first understand why you are lost.

Here are 3 possible reasons:

How the Education System Fails Us

Kids are sponges for knowledge. They follow their interests, and bother adults with questions about everything. Their fantasy knows no limits. They dream big and go through life as real explorers.

Then school starts.

Suddenly, the joy of learning is overshadowed by pressure. Grades, exams, and societal expectations are in focus, while individual needs fall short.

Students who don’t do well in school are labeled as lazy. There is nobody who tells them that they aren’t lazy but just demotivated. Demotivated because the curriculum doesn’t align with their interests. Or because some topics lack real-world relevance.

Whenever a topic does catch their attention, there is often no room for exploration. Quite the opposite. The fixed learning path and limited time actually encourage short-term memorization over real understanding.

Let’s be honest, how much do you actually remember from what you learned in high school?

Luckily, innovative education systems are on the rise. Montessori or Waldorf aim to leverage students’ curiosity as a natural learning engine.

But the majority of schools still turn learning into a chore.

As students chase good grades for years, many lose touch with their true interests. By the time they leave high school or university, they are unsure of their path forward. On top of that, they also struggle with an ingrained fear of failure.

And now there’s another problem: An overwhelming amount of options.

The Paradox of Choice

“Learning to choose is hard. Learning to choose well is harder. And learning to choose well in a world of unlimited possibilities is harder still, perhaps too hard.”

― Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less

In post-war Germany, my grandparents didn’t have the luxury of choice. After they finished high school, they took the first job they could find. There was no time to consider their unique interests, they needed to support their family.

Fast forward to today, and things are very different.

With graduation comes a variety of options. You can choose from hundreds of university programs to diverse career paths that align perfectly with who you are and what you stand for.

Choice is a privilege, but it comes with its own set of challenges.

In his book The Paradox of Choice American psychologist Barry Schwartz argues that more choice doesn’t necessarily lead to greater well-being. The freedom to choose can actually become overwhelming and result in anxiety and stress.

Schwartz divides the population into Maximizers and the Satisficers.

If you are a Satisficer, you have modest criteria and are content with good enough options. You make a decision once and then move on with your life. This way you avoid the pitfalls of overthinking and regrets.

On the other hand, Maximizers strive to make the best choice possible. Those individuals fear missed opportunities and potential regrets. They dive deep into different options, and often get caught up in analysis paralysis – the inability to make a decision due to over-thinking.

The internet and social media increase the stress of making a choice. Not only do you have access to a crazy amount of information to include into your considerations, but you also compare your choices with the idealized version of other people’s lives.

Fear of failure sets in and can even cause you not to act at all. That’s what psychologists call inaction inertia.

While the freedom to choose is extremely valuable, it can also create a lot of stress and regret. The less you are in touch with yourself and your interests, the harder it will be to make a decision.

The Desperate Longing for Purpose

“Zoe, I don’t know what I want. Please tell me how I can find my purpose in life. The one thing I will work towards for the rest of my life.”

A life purpose is why you get up in the morning, the reason for your whole existence. For many people a clear sense of purpose provides direction, meaning and fulfillment.

Although the desire for purpose is deeply human, it can have potential drawbacks.

Especially, if you feel lost in life, you have the strong urge to validate your existence. You put a whole ton of pressure on yourself, and stress to find purpose as quickly as possible.

But finding purpose is an evolving process that requires time and self-discovery. You need to understand your own values, strengths, passions and aspirations first.

If you are too focused on the big picture, you are prone to neglect the most important steps.

The next trap you fall into is waiting for crystal-clear clarity on your purpose before taking actions. This makes you overlook opportunities for growth and alternative paths. You are so caught up in your search, that you neglect the present moment.

Heads up, you don’t need a clear overarching purpose to navigate life’s uncertainties. This is a cultural misconception that evolved especially through the rise of self-help culture. Don’t let limiting beliefs hold you back.

Again, purpose is something that evolves over time as you get to know yourself better. It’s not a necessity to live a good life.

Focusing on finding one singular life mission can actually be overwhelming. Instead, you should slowly start to explore your personal values, interests, and passions.

Don’t ask “What should I do with my life?”.

Ask “What matters to me right now? What is my passion?”.

Pick Your Guiding Principles

“[Values are] the beliefs people have, especially about what is right and wrong and what is most important in life, that control their behaviour.”

The Cambridge Dictionary

Your values serve as guiding principles in life, no matter how lost you might feel at times. They help you make decisions and set priorities.

Challenges occur if you are not aware of your own values or simply follow the values imposed by society. In this case, your life might lack authenticity, deep relationships and fulfillment.

It’s important that you pick your own values in alignment with what truly matters to you. Here’s how you can go about choosing values for yourself:

1. Learn to Differentiate Between Good and Bad Values.

Before you dive into picking your values, you need to understand that not all values are equal. In fact, some values can come with a range of negative consequences.

Let’s take a look at some examples:

• Materialism: The relentless pursuit of wealth often leads to the neglect of relationships.
• Positivity: Beware of toxic positivity, where you avoid negative emotions at all costs. Never dismiss your own feelings for the sake of “staying positive”.
• Perfectionism: Having unrealistic standards causes you stress, anxiety and the fear of failure.
• Selfishness: A disregard for other’s well-being and a lack of empathy lead to conflict and social isolation.
• Pleasure: Prioritizing instant gratification over everything causes a lack of long-term fulfillment.

Bad values rely on others’ approval, cause harm, hold you back, and go against what’s right.

Instead, focus on good values. They are realistic, help others, promote growth, and are morally right.

2. Choose Values From a Wide-Ranging List.

Grab a pen and a sheet of paper.

Now review the list of values above and write down every value that resonates with you. You can also check out more lists, and add any other values you can think of.

3. Consider Your Best and Worst Experiences.

Think back to the happiest and saddest moments in your life. What do they reveal about your values?

Working as a divemaster on an island was one of the best times of my life. And it definitely made me realize how much I value nature and simplicity.

Contrarily, the most painful experience in my life taught me that compassion and accountability are very important to me.

Consider your most intense experiences and write down the values that they disclose.

4. Think of the People You Most Admire.

Who do you look up to?

We humans have the tendency to be drawn to qualities in others that reflect our own values and beliefs. For example, if you admire Sir Richard Branson it may be due to his embodiment of adventure, fun, and entrepreneurship.

Pick five people you admire and add the values they represent to your list.

5. Pick Your Five Core Values.

By now you should have a big list of values that resonate with you. The next step is to narrow it down to five core values, so it’s easier for you to set priorities and make decisions.

If you struggle with picking, you can follow these steps:

1. Group your values into related categories. For instance, autonomy, choice, empowerment and flexibility follow the same principle.
2. Name the overarching principle. In our example, all of the values are connected by the central theme of freedom.
3. Decide on the key values that resonate most with you. Select the five most essential categories or themes.

Awesome, your five core values reflect what matters most to you. Use them as guiding principles for your actions and decisions.

Don’t forget to reassess them regularly. As your identity and goals evolve, so do your values. That’s why it’s crucial to check that they remain relevant.

6. Integrate Your Values Into Your Daily Life.

Let’s face it: Many of you will forget this exercise and your values quickly.

To ensure your values will guide you long-term, one simple step is to make them visible. Stick a reminder on your mirror or set a picture of your values as your home screen.

The human mind learns by repetition. Actively integrate your values into your daily life and decision-making processes. Over time, your values will become deeply rooted in your consciousness.

With the foundation set, let’s move on to the next stage of your self-discovery journey. Finding out how you want to spend your time.

How to Uncover Your Passion

A passion is a strong enthusiasm or interest in something. It’s a powerful and often long-lasting emotional connection to a particular topic, activity or cause.

If you are passionate about writing, you can experience great joy from starting a blog.

Identifying and pursuing your passions is one of the key aspects of a happy life. It allows you to align your lifestyle with your values and interests, which leads to fulfillment and satisfaction.

Most of us feel passionate about many things. But funny enough, we often aren’t even aware of it.

Here are 7 steps to uncover your passion:

1. Take a Personality Test.

Imagine just answering a few questions in exchange for valuable insights and guidance.

Especially, when you have no idea what to do for a living, taking a personality test can be a real game changer for you.

16 Personalities provides insights into your strengths, relationship dynamics and possible career paths. More importantly, it can help you eliminate options.

Remember what we talked about earlier?

For maximum outcome, I suggest you the following:

1. Take the 16 Personalities test.
2. Go through the information material for your personality type.
3. Find additional insights online, e.g. on Truity. Pay special attention to the “Top Careers” and “Careers to Avoid” sections.
4. Recognize patterns. What career suggestions have caught your eye in the past?

Overall, these tests can make you aware of old interests and passions, and suggest new ones that align with your personality type.

Regardless, always keep in mind that no test is ever 100% accurate. And that you should always follow your curiosity even if it might not align with the test results.

2. Check Your Browser History.

What kind of articles do you read?
What videos do you watch?
Who do you follow on social media?

Your online activities reveal the topics you are consistently drawn to.

Identify recurring themes and engage in more activities related to these topics. This may lead you to discover your passions.

Also, pay attention to interests that align with your personality type, as they can provide further clarity.

3. Reconnect with Your Childhood Passion.

What couldn’t you shut up about when you were a kid?

Your early hobbies and interests can provide clues to your innate talents and passions. The period between ages 7 to 14 is often considered formative, as children begin to explore their interests and develop skills in various areas.

So it’s well worth playing Sherlock Holmes for one afternoon. Don’t shy away from interviewing your parents and examining old pictures.

Reconnect with your childhood passions, and see if they still make you feel the spark.

Try not to put pressure on yourself though. If you pick up a childhood hobby, and tell yourself non-stop that you have to enjoy it, you won’t.

I know it’s hard feeling lost and craving something to hold on to. But you must keep faith that you will figure things out over time.

There is nothing wrong about not enjoying your childhood hobby anymore. It just means it’s time for you to explore some new activities.

4. Embrace Play and Curiosity.

Humans of New York (HoNY) creator Brandon Stanton once shared following advice:

If you don’t know what to do, read biographies. Pick a person you admire and learn about the decisions they made in their life.

In case the previous exercises didn’t help you uncover your passion, don’t give up yet. Remember that you are a Scientist and that trial and error is part of the job. You have to keep getting inspired and follow your curiosity.

Read autobiographies, watch YouTube videos, and engage in different activities. Experimenting with a variety of hobbies can lead to surprising discoveries and help you to pinpoint areas of genuine interest.

Try to identify patterns in your interests and activities.

If out of all things you enjoy pottery painting, writing short stories and taking pictures the most, you seem to be drawn to creative pursuits. Explore this field more and understand how it can bring you fulfillment.

No matter what new activities you explore, it might feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar at first. Especially when they include meeting new people and you identify as an introvert.

Push through the discomfort. It’s your mission now to make the unfamiliar familiar.

5. Pick the Pains You Want in Your Life.

Choosing your pains in life is important.

It allows you to identify and focus your actions on what truly matters to you.

Maybe you want to help people but couldn’t bear the long nightshifts. Then being a doctor might not be the right choice for you. Keep looking.

By consciously choosing your pains, you reduce the risk of regret or resentment later on. When challenges arise, you can remind yourself that they are a result of your own choices and commitments.

So ask yourself: What pain are you willing to bear?

Pursue Your Interests

So when people say, “What should I do with my life?” or “What is my life purpose?” what they’re actually asking is: “What can I do with my time that is important?”

Mark Manson

You went through the exercises, picked your core values, and uncovered your passions.

Now it’s time to actively pursue your interests by enrolling in relevant courses, volunteering or working on personal projects.

And that’s when the real challenge hits.

As soon as your initial excitement wears off, you will realize how hard it can be to maintain consistency. Challenges will arise, and if you don’t have strong support structures in place, you will quickly find yourself suffering doubts and losing focus.

That’s why in the next weeks we will explore how to build resilience, establish productivity systems and ultimately monetize your interests.

For now, focus on the second experiment in our journey together.

#2 Self-Discovery

Self-discovery is an ongoing process, which is why regular reassessment is key.

Keeping your notes in one place enables easier organization and progress tracking. For this purpose, I created The Reinvention Log.

Whenever you conduct an experiment, save the results in your Log. That will help you structure your thoughts more efficiently and revisit them in the future.

Feel free to adjust the templates as you like.